How to develop your own taste

a personal take on everything in life that's uniquely yours

The are a few things in life I wish someone had told me in advance. So as an aspiring 30-something adult, I thought I’d share some of the things I wished I knew when I was growing up, in no particular order or category:

1. When you move out of your parents house and hopefully into your own home, start buying plates in sets. Not an individual piece. Because one day, when you’re ‘cool’ enough to have visitors coming to your house, and in my case my mother in law (eeeep), I served her tea straight from the mug and the first thing she said was ‘Oh do you not have a teapot?!’. No I do not! It also occurred to me as I was serving my mother in law lunch that all my plates were mismatched (kinda like my life) but yes, start buying plates in sets, sets of 2s, or 4s or 6s.

2. Stop putting people on a pedestal. As someone who grew up with low self-esteem, I realised that whenever I meet someone new, I would almost always put them on a pedestal aka I will always be inferior to them. E.g. growing up, I used to always look up to the upper class - usually means the royals, the elites, you know the people who inherited so much wealth that they don’t have to work. And then I grew up, and I fortunately or unfortunately had the experience of being in close proximity to them (through work/friends). And then I realised these people are not as great as the image that I have of them in my head. They’re human, very lucky privileged ones at that, they’re not very inspiring (as everything comes easy to them, so no minimal effort and grit is required), and the worst part is, despite all the privilege, they are not very nice people. So why do I put them on a pedestal? Nowadays, the people that I admire the most are the people who are working multiple jobs, trying to provide the best life for themselves and their loved ones. That’s inspiring.

3. Start writing down things that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside and things that make you feel icy cold, and uncomfortable. This is the best way to develop your personal POV. E.g. growing up I’ve always felt like there’s an icy pit in my stomach, and I part of the reason on why I loved bingeing so much was because when I feel full, I feel warm, and I crave that feeling. After getting married, living on my own, and creating my own home, I realise that my desire to binge had immensely decreased. Why? Because I’m getting that warmth from my husband, from making the meals that I love, from creating a sense of safety through my habits. Then I realised that this also applies to the colours that I like. Before my whole colour analysis journey, I used to always be drawn to warm colours, not because they suit me (in fact cool colours suit me more, but I was so detached from my own body that I couldn’t even see it), but because I wanted that feeling of warmth. I still love warm colours, and I try to incorporate them in my space, my accessories, etc.

This led to me to go on a self exploratory journey. As an avid consumer (I have a problem and am working on my consumption habits), I am learning to analyse my shopping habits. In the past years, especially when I am in an extremely demanding corporate job with zero capacity for my other interests, I would acquire things to make me ‘feel better’, aka feel warm and fuzzy. But the reasons for my shopping could be boiled down to :

Because I was using shopping - predominantly clothes, makeup and skincare, as a way to self soothe - I had acquired a bunch of stuff that did not represent who I am, or who I want to be but instead just a 'semi’ or ‘mid’ projection of who I think I want to be. But not me, in this exact moment. Nothing close to my authentic self. I would spend a fortune on an ‘occasion’ dress or my baju raya, in the hopes of ‘wowwing’ people. But did I wow anyone? Almost 200% certain not. I wow-ed my bank account instead.

Okay Quya, please can you stop rambling and share with us some tips on how to develop your own taste. Okay well, the short answer is I don’t know. But here are somethings that I think had worked for me in at least coming up with my own POV:

• There is no such thing as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ taste, I know ‘tastemakers’ worldwide would like to say otherwise as they make a living telling the mass public ‘what to buy’ and ‘what NOT to buy’. It’s 2025, we can become our own tastemakers!

• Building myself esteem by doing the things that I said I was going to do. If I say to myself that I was going to make my bed before going to bed tomorrow. and I wake up, make my bed and ‘observe myself making my bed’ my inner child feels safe, and I feel like I can trust myself. However, if everyday I tell myself that I was going to bring my packed lunch, and everyday, I buy pret for lunch, watch myself not bring my packed lunch, slowly but surely, my self esteem and trust in myself would deteriorate. As always, start small.

• Knowledge. Having knowledge in any topic of interest. E.g. I was extremely intrigued with the whole colour analysis concept, as I am someone who grew up feeling completely detached from who I am. Having some kind of knowledge (yes I learnt it all through TikTok & Youtube), of what undertones I have, what colours suit me more (warm, vs cool vs neutral), helped me articulate my pov.

• Moving my body - at home, at a pilates studio, walking. As someone who viewed exercise only as a method to lose weight, I’ve always struggled with the concept. But after joining a fitness company (LOL ME), and moving my body consistently, I realised exercise help me give attention and care to all parts of myself, I am more attune to my body’s rhythm, where it’s tight, where it’s more energised, where it needs more love and attention. Movement creates a deep sense of connection between your body and your soul. Start small. As long as you can walk, movement is free. Go for a run, go for a long walk, put your legs up against the wall…as long as you do it consistently, you’ll feel more connected to who you are.

• Because we live in a capitalist society, and I live in one of the biggest metropolitan cities in the world London (I do love you and all the options you share with us), but sometimes, living in a city where you can have access to anything and everything and weaken our creativity muscles. So I try to shop second hand/ vintage when I can. For interiors, and for clothes. Because with second hand shopping, you don’t just buy an item because you were targeted an ad or because it’s going viral on TikTok, or because all your friends have them. With second hand items, you buy them because you, subconsciously and consciously made the decision to acquire an item based on all your historical thought patters. It won’t always be a success, I have some pieces that are sitting in my closet looking very ‘avant garde’ and out there. Not just something that I can put on and go. One of my favourite platforms is

  https://www.vestiairecollective.com/, they have a ‘favourite feature’ and I would spend hours favouriting items. I then start to develop a pattern on the things that I like , in terms of colours, cuts, fabric, etc. Here’s a screengrab of my current fav items

  

• Developing niche hobbies. Okay so another niche hobby of mine is also testing healthy-ish recipes. I think that we all deserve to eat foods that love us back! Last night after dinner, I whipped up this delicious 'chocolate truffles’ made from dates, with no added sugar!

  Chocolate truffles recipe

  

  Ingredients

  • 1 cup medjool dates (pits removed)

  • 1/2 cup ground almonds

  • 1/2 cup hazelnuts

  • 1/2 cup almond milk or any milk/liquid

  • 1/2 pumpkin seeds

  • 2 tbsp cacao powder

  • Pinch of salt

  Method

  • Blitz everything in a food processor, I used a Nutri-bullet, but a blender could work too. Take a tablespoon of your dough, and roll it into a ball. I like to roll mine in dessicated coconut or some cacao powder. You could also take a teaspoon of almond butter and stuff it inside the chocolate balls, Refrigerate overnight, and you’ll have a delicious treat waiting for you in the morning.

Part of the reason why I started this substack was to share my ‘learnings’ as a semi adult. As someone who grew up not having anyone to have her back at all times, I wanted to create a space for women (and men) to share things that have helped them in the past, things they wished they know, and most importantly sharing that no matter where you are in life, the fact that you’re still here today, living and breathing, means that you’re mission on this earth is not done yet. So never give up. Try something new, make something new, go out there and create things. I know we all love to consume things (trust me I do too!), but sometimes I do ask myself, why do I have to keep consuming other people’s products, I can make my own too. We all can!

Till next time, I hope you all have a beautiful day wherever you are.

With love,

Quya