Things I no longer believe in
of letting go of things that no longer serve us
Happy summer solstice! What is a summer solstice you ask? Because if you’re like me and you grew up in a country near the equator, this is quite an unusual experience (well not really la). Summer solstice :
London has been heating up, and as much as I love summer, some days it can get a little too HOT! But despite it all, I’m grateful for the heat, humidity, freckles (or shall I say sun spots), because it makes me appreciate the cool breeze that comes, the rain, the cold wind and everything that comes along. This weather extremes reminded me of this beautiful quote below;
"The lotus cannot be there without the mud. Likewise, happiness can not be there without suffering. Looking deeply into our suffering, we gain an understanding of it, which gives happiness a chance to blossom. Thus, the lotus does not have to reject the mud, and the beauty of the lotus actually gives value to the mud." - Thích Nhất
I’ve had a few days off these past few weeks. I love taking some time off and spending it with myself (and a tiny group of closed friends). I organised my closet, sold a bunch of clothes on Vinted, went to Tate Modern, and oh I also tried a new skincare treatment, are we ready for the jump scare pic?
As with everything in life, when you have a lot of time on your hands, my mind started to wonder (naturally). Sometimes my thoughts will take me into a dark whole of negativity (a term which I believe the gen-zs call a ‘crash out’). While I was nursing myself both physically and mentally, I came across the beautiful quote above. The phrase ‘lotus in the mud’ is usually used to describe the idea that one must go through the mud to achieve beauty or in my case, I had to ‘crash out’ in order to see the beauty in life, even when it feels like the world is literally crashing out.
With that, I wanted to share a list of things that I no longer believe in, or things that keep me stuck in patterns that no longer serve me but are just familiar to me
I no longer believe in having no solutions to problems
Growing up, I’ve always viewed the world as a scary place. You can’t control a lot of things, life is unfair, people get hurt, loved ones get ill, the rich gets richer and the poor gets poorer. But in the past few months after learning to re-parent myself, instead of trying to fight the injustice in the world, I’ve learned to accept it. Life is challenging but that also gives it meaning. Without the hardships, we will never see the beauty in life. With this in mind, every time something not so pleasant or scary or challenging happens to me, I tell myself ‘there will always be solutions to problems, some solutions may take more effort, but in the end you’ll find a way’.
I no longer believe in attachment (well sort of)
I think that attachment creates a lot of unnecessary expectations and suffering. It stems from insecurity and my desire to seemingly control things and hope that things will work out in my favour. But sometimes, after you’ve experience enough challenges that are beyond your control, you learn to let go. Nothing in this world belongs to you, you came into this earth alone and you will leave it alone. While it's important to love and appreciate those around you its equally important to recognise that everything in life is temporary, and that’s the beauty of life. Enjoy summer, all of it, the heat, the warmth, the sunshine, because maybe you won’t see the sunshine for the next few weeks. I try (really hard) to believe that everyone by default is loved by something bigger than themselves, and that no one is put on this earth to suffer. So whenever I’m going through a hard time, I try to just put in the work to achieve my goals, but not be too attached to the outcome.
I no longer believe in putting people on a pedestal
Growing up, I’ve always been the type of person to put anyone and everyone on a pedestal. My teachers, friends, family members, boyfriends, colleagues etc. By putting people on a pedestal, I realised that I was projecting my ideas of who they were on to them, and when they don’t meet my projected idea of them, which they inevitably will not, because no one can live up to an ‘idea’, I get extremely hurt and disappointed. Yes while I think it’s completely normal to feel inferior or superior to someone, every time I catch myself this way, I remind myself that everyone is equal, regardless of their background, race, ethnicity, social status, and therefore everyone deserves the basic level of human empathy. I know we all say things like ‘oh everyone is equal’, but do we actually actively practice it? I catch myself putting superior / successful (or seemingly successful in the material sense) on a pedestal, and then I get to know them and realised that oh they’re just like, they don’t know what they’re doing most of them, and so why am I putting them on a pedestal? This thought process also helps me to believe in myself a little bit more, and carry myself into the world with a little bit more confidence.I no longer believe in having your partner or someone outside of yourself to ‘complete me’
As a Disney princess lover, I was programmed to find my prince charming early on. I remember when I was 7, and somedays I would cry myself to sleep (maybe because I lost my fav soft toy or something), and before falling asleep and in an attempt to soothe myself, I would create a fantasy world - always ends up in a magical forest somehow, where a prince would come and bring me my lost toy (LOL), and that I won’t be sad anymore and life would be happy again.
While I think that finding a lifelong partner is an amazing experience to have, I think it’s unfair to expect someone outside of yourself to make you happy when you can’t do that for yourself. I remember expecting my husband to make me happy when I’m sad, or feeling low, and as much as he tried, he or anyone else will not be able to make me feel the warmth that I was looking for, because only I can do that for myself. It also made me realise that ‘wow, I’m a grown up now, because only I know how to make myself feel better’. True peace and happiness come from within.I no longer believe in holding on to things just because they are familiar and once made me feel ‘safe’
Okay, this may be a bit TMI, but this specifically refers to my coping mechanism when life gets hard. I’ve always turned to food whenever I feel sad or happy or both. My go-to food for when I’m sad or stressed was almost always a pizza (cheese pizza or Pepperoni) or a cheeseburger with fries, they were always there for me whenever I needed them and they rarely disappoint….and that was until they did. Two years ago, when my husband and I lived in Cambridge, I vividly remember being stress about a personal issue. When I reached the train station, my husband picked me up, and when he saw my face, he knew that we needed to go to Pizza Pilgrims. I ordered my pizza, and after about 2 slices, I had what I would describe as one of the most painful stomachaches that I’ve ever experienced. So much so that we needed to go to the E.R, and yup it was my appendix.For context, my relationship with pizza has been complex, to say the least, it was one of those food that I (realised this earlier this year) never actually liked but had forced myself to like for the past 30 years due to something that happened to me as a child. So yes, after my E.R incident with Pizza Pilgrim , I stop turning to food whenever I feel sad, because every time I think of pizza, my stomach hurts, but somehow my body still craves it? 2 years down the road, I think I have not had a pizza like how I used to consume it in months if not years. Though every time I get sad, my first thought would always be to get pizza. Where I’m going with this is that, sometimes our minds make us do things not because it’s good for us, but only because it feels familiar and safe. As adults, it’s up to us to train our minds and body, to let go of habits, and behaviours that no longer serve us.
The time is now 12:13 am, and it is boiling!
I have a horror film to watch.
With love and light
Quya